The Liturgical season of Lent is a privileged time during which the Holy Spirit leads us to possess the real knowledge of who we really are and what to live.

It is practically impossible that we alone can realise what we are and how things stand in our life. The question God asked Adam in the Garden of Eden is the same crucial question addressed by God to you and me: “Where are you?” which means, Where did you go? Why‎ did you escape from my hands…? God certainly knows where we are. We are a ceaseless series of whys and wherefores, among which there stands one that is fundamental: Why does your life speak of death to me…?


“Tell me: Why?”


“Tell me why, Love?. Tell me why…?

Why between You and me, who live in company, in friendship and in love of spouses does there exist an abyss so insurmountable…?

Why, when I perceive You in the depth of my breast, when I feel the contact of Your eternal kissing, when I conjecture Your passing towards me, at that same instant, impelled by Your divine call, on rushing at You, I stumble on that abyss that separates us…?

Why is Your proximity, the palpitating of Your chest in my inner being, so deep and so distant…? Why do You come so close, You live so inwardly, and You are so far away…? Why does Your contact speak to me of distance…? Why does Your life speak to me of death…? Why do I always have to stand before the abyss that I cannot surmount…? Why, in order to have Your life in light, I have to die…? Why, if I have longings as though infinite for being, for possessing, for leaving, I have to find myself, every time I rush at You, with an endless distance, with a certain beyond –that could even be through my fault uncertain–, but in wait, without knowing how nor when? Why…? Why…?

I now understand, Love…! Because I have sinned…!

Sometimes, the terrible impulse of the encounter with the Eternal becomes unexpectable; the need for pushing myself forward at Him, torturing; the longings for possessing Him, as though infinite… But between Him and me there is an abyss that separates us: to attain His life, I have to die.

If I could seize You without going through death…! But I have to die in order to have You! Why…? Because I have sinned, because I broke Your plan…! How terrible to say ‘no’ to God is …! As terrible as the abyss that exists between Him and me! Why does the memory of Your sight, of Your possession, have to cloud over with the sad memory of death…? Why…? Because I sinned, and, that is why, to live, I have to die. What an insuperable distance keeps the soul away from God, even though it possesses Him…!; since, if I perceive Him, it is because I have Him; and then, why on running to Him I find myself before the abyss that separates us…?

Love, the day I cross it, and I find myself in front of You, without abyss to keep me away from Your proximity…; the day I see You without night falling…; the day I have You without losing You, and without being able to lose You…; the day I find You forever…!

Melancholy at dusk of life, in presentiment of the dawn of the Eternal One… God is both close and distant; God is both mine and distant… How strange the mystery of the Creator and His creature is; of the wait, and of the encounter…! How strange!

Why has God disappeared from the heart and from the mind of men, if with them and in them He stands…? Because they have sinned, and, on losing contact with Him, they do not taste the sweetness of His eternal company, remaining solely in the experience of the abyss that exists between the Creator and the creature.

God lives without time, man flies without knowing where, for not having met with The One who Is…

The world, the creatures, the things, what are they…? What strangeness my soul feels between God and man! What strangeness my being has in fullness of the Eternal One, and in urgencies for having Him…!

O sweet melancholy…! If I could break the silence that I have in my depth…! If I could express what I hold in my chest! If I could say in some way the nostalgia in which I live…! If I could…!

But I cannot. Between my soul and my expression there is an insurmountable abyss as well. Every day my silence is darker; my martyrdom, more secret; my pain is sharper, more acute and deeper.

And thus I live in an pressing situation that overwhelms me and pierces the deepest space of my centre, in the mysterious and hidden point where I keep my nostalgia in the silence.

God pierces, He wounds deep in the marrow of the chest, where no one can enter, and unveil my mystery…

That is why, the more I speak the more my being tortures itself on seeing that I do not know how to say nor express what I have in me, on seeing that what I hold becomes deeper, feeling more strange, more distant in my exile.

My experience is inexpressible; my longings, like jealousies, my urges torturing, but, however much I say, I do not express it! And on wanting to describe it or explain it with concepts, I feel a pain in my depth that puts me farther in, that makes me comprehend that, even though I want to express myself, I have to live in silence…

That is why, the more I say, more torment, more alone, with more tortures, with more longings for Heaven, with more urgency in my night for pushing forward towards the Eternal One, for possessing my Beloved, even though it be for some moments, taking away the dense night with which my veils wrap me.

And faced with the bitter torture of not finding Him as I long for and finding myself before the abyss which separates me from God, I collapse without words in a melancholy that pierces my breast waiting for the One I love, for the One who dwells in my silence…

God will take me to Him…; I feel it in longings that push me forward to the depth of His bosom.

I perceive in tender melancholy, very far in, the sweetness of the living God in the mysterious wound of the secret where the Infinite One dwells in my silence… God will take me towards Him, because He is good.”

Mother Trinidad de la Santa Madre Iglesia